haiz. not getting the support that i hoped for.
instead i get the opposites.
demoralized.
getting doubts.
u know wat, this will actually cause a hindrance to some pple k...
wat can one do when everything he/she does, there is some difficulty in it.
and ppl believes that one sld do wat one can do,
instead of doing something new,
accepting a new challenge.
haiz.
demoralized.
anw,
i love my family!!!!

\\`jUz m3 mYs3lF & i`//
2:59 AM

Section 1: How You Approach Life and How You Appear To Others

You meet life head on and throw yourself into new experiences with zest and enthusiasm. You are direct, straightforward, assertive, and usually completely aboveboard in all your dealings. Candid and incapable of guile, insincerity or phoniness, you project a confident and sometimes arrogant appearance to others. You often lack tact and sensitivity, and can be completely oblivious to others' needs, and inadvertently selfish. You are self-reliant and don't depend upon social approval and reinforcement as much as other people do. You like to be original and do not mind going it alone. You may feel that you do not fit into groups very well, and that you do not naturally blend in and cooperate with others very easily. You like to be either a leader or a loner.

Section 2: The Inner You: Your Real Motivation

You are a person who thrives on challenge, and you often feel that you must battle your way through life, depending upon no one and nothing but your own strength, intelligence, and courage. You believe in being totally honest, true to oneself and one's own vision and convictions, even if that means standing alone. Honesty, integrity, personal honor, and authenticity are your gods, and you have no sympathy for weakness of character in others.

i think i am born on the wrong day.... haha.. but inner me?? hmm.. i still think i am born on the wrong day.. haha...

copied from my sec sch teacher blog.. haha.. so true.. but too late??

1. Every subject has different techniques to gain mastery.
   Don't study every subject using the same style. For example, you can't use the same method to study English as you do for Physics or Maths. Please consult your respective teachers for recommended methods.
2. Adopt the "Don't complain, just do!" attitude.
   No one wins a 100m sprint grumbling all the way. Your attitude determines whether or not you are going to make it at the end.
3. Say to yourself "I will run the extra mile!"
   Do more than what you are asked to do. Most of your classmates call it "Kiasu". Depending on how you look at it, I call it the winner's attitude!Of course, you will sacrifice time on the Internet or doing your other favorite stuff if you find yourselves doing the extra sums or comprehension passages your teachers never demanded of you. But remember, rarely anyone wins with an attitude of doing just the enough.
4. Love will find the way.
   Loving the subjects make studying a lot easier. There are always 10000 reasons to hate a subject and I can probably suggest another 2000 or so. But may I also add that you can make yourself like it with some effort.Years after my BMT, I'm still doing my running; without the helmets and stuff of course. To tell you the truth, I think I have fallen in love with running. Once in my dream, I dreamed of myself running on a road...with pleasure.
5. Get help fast!
   Some look upon sec 3 as a "honeymoon" year and therefore tend not to take school seriously. However, I would advise one to take another perspective. A good solid foundation in your subjects are crucial to you passing it and suffer a lot lesser in sec 4. If you feel you are losing the subject, get help fast! That means now! Getting a tutor or some form of extra help 3 months before O levels will probably do little help.
6. Set your priorities.
   As a young teenager, you will find many things in life tugging desperately at you for attention. Many of which are probably good for you, like sports, games, friends, leisure, etc. However, setting your top few priorities and spending most time with them can determine your success at the end. There is a time and season for everything. There is a time to work harder than you play but there is also a time you play harder than you work. The key here is striking a balance. The whole world is hanging itself precariously on a delicate equilibrium isn't it? And so must we.
7. Do not resist the tough training
   Many times, school exams and tests were made more difficult than the actual O or N Level papers. They were not designed to discourage pupils like yourselves. Rather, they were supposed to subject you to the pressure of high demand so that you can "fly" during the final exams. Remember the lesson of the turtle helmet. My advise is to take the school tests in your own stride. Give your best shot each time but take all of them as flying lessons.

haiz. if only.. but all can be applied for future..

\\`jUz m3 mYs3lF & i`//
11:44 PM

17.4.05
HappY bIrThdAe to Me mySelf and I.. haha

on the 16th, went over to nick's hse.. haha.. that stupid sandy li woke me up at 9am... kaoz.. haiz.. then went over there, nick still sleeping.. haha..
the day before, i jus had a crash course on one unit of e-math by sandy li.. haha.. but quite easy one la.. makes me wonder why i couldnt do them in the past.. haha.. but of cos.. thats the easiest of all the topics la.. =)
then went over to nick's place to teach him.. cos sandy dunno how to teach.. so ask me to instead.. *but neither can i*.. nick say i very violent.. haha.. i only strangled and threathened to throw his justin into the washing machine.. haha i think i didnt teach well.. anyway, spent the previous night learning and typing the questions out.. haiz.. i dun think i can make it as a teacher man..
anyway, had alot of fun at his place too.. haha.. had dinner at jurong.. *that irritating uncle who complain we order too many different types of drinks.. kaoz.. "every customer has their own rights to choose wat they wan k.."--quoted from gor gor.. haha its true k!* then ah ma keep giving me her dessert.. haha.. nice dinner.
then at night, learnt 3 new card games.. haha very fun!! but me very very blur.. haha feli, u know wat i mean right? haha.. and for hearts, i am the first to reach a 100 points!!!!!! everytime get cheated one... u ppl are so bad... haha..
then at midnight, realised that xiaoyi had made a cake for me!! very touched. haha.. and her effort to design the piece of paper on a com.. haha.. cute.
then morning, we decided to go to kbox.. haha.. but the adults kan4 si3 we all wont be able to wake up.. haha. so we decided to prove them wrong!! haha.. stayed over at nick's.. thanks gor gor for the morning call.. we all gathered downstairs.. and gor was the lastest!!! haha.. he commented.. "wa! all so zhun3 shi2 ah." haha.. had a feeling of a teacher bringing kids out.. haha
anw, had fun at kbox.. there was a blackout!! haha and we got 1/2 hr extra.. and we entertained ourselves during the cut out.. haha.. this time i got sing k... dun say i didnt hoh.. i am trying my best to be crazy le.. as u can see, i am crazy.. i think i am crazy.. hahaha i am still learning la... *tong kuai really builds up the atmosphere.. haha..* but the end was a bit tiring.. haha..
after that, alester went for his tuition.. haha.. then we wanted to go arcade one.. but too many ppl. so we went for pool instead.. haha.. managed to smuggle gera in.. haha.. had fun! i lost to everyone.. haha.. wat to do.. this is my 2nd time playing only leh.. hmm.. maybe 3rd if u count the squash camp one.. ah min is a pro.. haha.. "i calculate before i bend to aim.."
haha.. after that, was alr 5 plus le.. so we all went back.. bath ma.. then want to watch nkf.. haha.. that nick ah.. see no chio bu then dowan see liao.. haha.. and went out.. then oli came down to nick house.. had dinner.. that nasi lemak not bad.. haha.. then feli and gera came down later too.. and we watch the nkf show together.. haha were suaning the MCs.. and imitating wat they will be saying or wat they thinking.. haha feli know hoh? haha so funny.. then after the show, the three of us took a cab back.. 3 of us nearly vomited when we got out.. haha all 3 got headaches.. haha.. the driver drive very fast.. haha..
ok.. tml going back to sch.. haha..
okok.. everyone stay happy!! take care..
nitez

\\`jUz m3 mYs3lF & i`//
2:13 AM

today's the last day of sch.. haha.. pharma paper... hmm.. supposedly my most confident paper for this semester's final exams.. but the thing is.. i didnt study.. heng i know how to do.. the day before actually study one.. but in the end slack.. haha.. so today morning read thru for 30 min.. kaoz.. and i didnt read the last chapter.. *there are only 3 chapters* but heng ytd i wrote some on the white board before so can remember a bit.. haha.. but made quite alot of stupid mistakes.... haha... haiz. tot calculations i get all the marks liao.. in the end i made one really dumb mistake.. and after that, i dun even know how i got it!!!!!!!! Must be see wrong formula.......... kaoz.. haiz. WHY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! reach the room late...*cos i doing last min reading* then forgot to bring my jacket in... *cold to death* then i forgot to wear my spects.. *thus leading to seeing the wrong formula*. ARGH!!!!!! see.. accidents happen after a series of small mistakes... haha..
the day before even worse... i see the molecular weight all wrongly lo......... damn stupid. haha making me doing real stupid thing to make sure i dun make that mistake.. haha.. *see the paper closely, double check and double check again* and still i made that mistake still. stupid right? but i realise it after i checked and checked again. THAT IS SO HENG LA. but still, i made mistake on another question... ARGH.... stupid.
another 2 question, i wrote crap... and guess wat??? if i switch the ans of the 2 questions, i will be correct!!!!! so that means, I AM WRONG!!!!!!!! stupid...
anyway, after the paper, went to look for dear candice.. haha.. tried to surprise her.. but she's not... haiz. failed attempt. haha chatted in her room for a while.. keep suaning her.. haha and i managed to catch her in her most lok cok pattern. haha so funny. anyway, had fun! good luck for ur exams!
after that, went jurong point.. haha saw somebody there wor.. then began stalking.. haha quite funny la.. but too bo liao liao.
anw, now feel kinda lost liao.. dunno wat to do le.. the future seems so bleak... if only time can jus stop. feel so sian..
still can remember the first day of sch.. when the whole of cp0204 *most* stayed united *jus to protect that flag #muppets#. but not to the extent of zhengwen..* haha.. and waited at south canteen till one whole long table is empty and everyone gets a seat.. i remember the 1st food i ate was the chicken noodle.. *and i swore not to eat it again*. haha... then sneaking out of sch to go eat... *playing photohunt at grassroots then eating at bishan J8..* the place where zhengwen fell asleep and drool... hahaha... then ppl complaining that the 2 annas eat very slow.. haha.. hiding the flag at the bushes.. jus like some hidden rag.. haha.. the guys taking off their shirt for the last day of orientation cos we need cloth.. to transfer the water bombs..
during the semester, alot of things happened too.. my first project partner was xuefen.. haha.. a project we nv met up at all and yet it was not badly done.. haha.. then precious memories of wat ck said, pieces of puzzles pieced together.. will always remember all fun and laughter and joy only.. but i'll nv regret knowing u ppl.
a quote i came up with. *if u consider it a quote la*
everything is possible.. but some things were made impossible, because of the fear of the possibilty of the impossible...
haiz. anw, poly life has come to an end le.. but i hope that everyone will keep in touch la..
even though frankly speaking, i had been thinking of how to cut off and go into the missing in action.. and nv to be found.. but i realise i still cant do it.. haha..
abit stupid la. i also dunno wat i toking le.
go off le.
nitez.
feli and candice!!! good luck for ur papers!!!!!

\\`jUz m3 mYs3lF & i`//
1:25 AM

suddenly jus feel kinda of sad. haiz
anyway, AIC die liao.
petrochem i haven study. tml see how. sian
safety i got 75. heng. cos i didnt study.. hope no moderation.
if not i will have to work very hard for the last 2 paper to get my gpa of 3..
sian.
oh..
HAPPY BIRTHDAY OLIVIA!!!!!!!
may all ur wishes cum true and get into the uni course u wan. =)

*feli, her present how ah.. hehe

*my god.. i think i have mulitiple personalities! hahaha
haiz.

\\`jUz m3 mYs3lF & i`//
12:07 AM

candice!!!!!!! happy birthday!!!!! now already 20 years old le.. cast all ur problems aside and smile more ok??!! will always be there when u need me.. *i swear* so dun worry and really, jus enjoy urself..
happy 20th birthday!!!!
wat i said in the previous previous blog..
in life, u can choose to be 3 types of things... carrot, egg and coffee bean.. imagine one day u meet with a trouble, *hot water*... always choose to be the coffeebean.. cos for carrot and egg, the situation *water* change it.. carrot become soft.. jus like humans.. they became weak and not themselves.. and they cant pull themselves back.. and jus remain weak.. and easy to get hurt..
for egg, it becomes hard. jus like humans, after something happen, they choose to become hard hearted and guarded.. and dun trust ppl anymore. but for coffee bean, it changes the situation instead of the situation changing it.. the water becomes aromatic and nice..
yup. so always be a coffee bean..
trying to be one.. haha
okok.. me go off le..
nitez.
CANDICE, may all ur wishes cum true!!!!!!!! take care~

\\`jUz m3 mYs3lF & i`//
2:31 AM

OMG... and i tot GMP was the paper i had no confidence in.. POO (process operations and optimization). was WORSE! its like KAOZ la... haiz..
i only studied gmp till topic 4, then on the actual day itself, choing all the way to topic 11.. but it was still ok.. haiz.. but guess didnt really do really well..
then POO!!! its like a damn too boring module lo.. that i couldnt bring myself to study it.. haiz.. me wilmer and regina split writing the notes.. me topic 5 wilmer 6 and regina 7.. then didnt study topic 8.. the calculations.. and topic 4.. the video.. e learning i also nv study... then after getting the notes liao, was too tired.. so didnt study.. haiz.. wanted to wake up earlier to study one.. but couldnt bring myself to.. haiz.. so in the end, went to sch at 10... then studied there.. its like wakaoz lo.. i couldnt ans anything that the rest are asking.. only ????? fills my mind.. haiz.. then i chose a few things to memorize... heng they got come out.. but went in and forgot a point.. haiz.. and!!!!!!! there wasnt enough time!!! and i left one whole question blank!!!!! omg.... haiz.. stupid stupid stupid!!!!!!!! HAIZ. dissapointed..
anw, the most detested module is gone!!! 4 more to go!!!!! haha next most diff one sld be AIC (advanced instrumentation and control) liao ba... man.... jus let me pass well... haiz..
okok..
tt day, 3 of us went to find teo siew tai to hand in report.. haha alr late by one day.. but she was good enough to accept.. hahaa then the 4 of us chatted for like an hour lo. hahaha so funny. actually she also very good one.. and actually i like her method of demanding.. also a bit too strict la.. hmm.. we were chatting happily until she recieve a call and started marking the reports... then i faster pull regina and wilmer to siam.. hahaa cos my report is really too terrible liao. i admit. NO STANDARD AT ALL. haha.. so faster run off.. didnt dare to see her reaction. hahaha
okok..
me go sleep liao.. hahaa now have a bit of confidence to study liao.. previously too slack liao.. nv had i been so slacked in the whole of my poly life... haha its really....... terrible.. even i studied for a few hours intensively for the common test lo.. why can i concentrate on this leh.. haiz..
okok..
FORWARD TO GLORY!!!!
NON VI SED ARTE
NOT WITH FORCE BUT WITH SKILL!!!!
-nitenite-

\\`jUz m3 mYs3lF & i`//
1:31 AM