Today met my director. All I can say is, thanks to them for looking up to me and believing in my capability..
Well at work.. I've regain 1/5 of my productivity.. Better than none at all.. and when I told CCL that I couldn't assist in the PQ proj cos of exam and my trip, I felt a pang of guiltiness. Well, at least I am starting to feel something. And I actually told him I felt guilty.. And immediately he called to assure me that it's alright and he'd try to find someone to help instead.
Truth is, he is a nice superior.. And treats me really well.. But still always Kenna scolding from me.. Who ask him to always wan to challenge me openly.. nv challenge an ego ger k.. Joking.. Jus wanted him to understand.. I also treat him not bad one hoh..
On the way home, there were some kids on the bus.. Really noisy.. But they looked so happy and didn't cared how ppl looked at them.. Not even the frantic adults who were trying to keep them calm.. Haha.. Kids.. They can laugh at every single small thing, finding fun in almost everything they do.. Cos they do not have any restrictions in their mind. Of cos they can yell, scream and cry abt minor things too. That's cos they haven meet big things.
And adults like to say.. Later the policeman catch u.. Haha.. And there was this guy from the air force in uniform.. The kids were afraid.. Haha.. Then he said.. "I am not a police.. I am from the air force.. So I cannot catch u." :) a smile broke between their faces.. And he was named the "air force man"! Haha.. "goodbye air force man!!" the kids screamed as he got down the bus. And o was smiling thruout their conversation. :) jus so cute.
Well, takings from this incident. Happiness is self defined. U determine whether u wan to smile, frown or cry. Things can be different if u looked at things simpler, and from another view. No problems cannot be solved if u think without restrictions of ur mind.. :)

\\`jUz m3 mYs3lF & i`//
7:34 AM

Ytd went to a toastmasters meeting, invited by DL2.. Haha.. It was an interesting event. The opening speech by the president.. In times of adversity.. Would u choose to be a potato, egg or coffee bean? How these 3, when met w a situation, in this case, boiling water, reacts differently. Not elaborating. Go and think urself. Heard this story many times.. But each time, it still inspires..
The ppl there are frenly.. And I think I will still meet them in future.. So I got no courage to talk rubbish.. Hahaha after tt, went coffee w them.. so much talks abt politics in this world now.. DL2 was not interested to chup in, so he daze at the side. Hahaha stupid him, pass flu to me.
Then his parents fetch me and this Indian ger to the mrt.. Haha and I got a feeling that hmm.. This ger is not so simple.. Haha she is jealous of me and him. Some tell tale signs:
1. She doesn't look me in the eye when she talks to me.
2. She laughs at me when I said no to whatever DL2 said before he even completes his sentence, and made sure he knows that I am making fun of him.
3. She asked me if he always talks to me like tt in the past, then after tt, claims tt she tot we jus met and clique so well.
4. In the car, she said, "soon, there won't be space for her anymore." - I take this as DL2 is a flirt! Hahahaha but she quickly explains that it's cos she will become fat. Totally out of point.
5. She ignores whatever I says..
6. She didn't say bye to me when she got off the car, but wave and said a hearty bye to DL2.
Hahahaa as though I care la. Anyway, the moment she left, I told DL2, "hoh..... U jialat Liao..." as usual, he dun get my hint. So I left it as that. Idiot. Haha..
Oh ya.. Then his mum told me, "now I know why u called him idiot last time.. He really is." hahahaha orh bi. Well, he used to describe me as the ger who call him an idiot. Haiz! Make me see his parents tt time so paiseh la! Haha.. But that's last time la..
Ok.. Overall, I might jus be courageous enough one day and jus speak in front of them. Wahaha...
Then today morn, jus nice when I open my eyes, an SMS from HJ came and ask to go breakfast. So I tot, might as well. Since so long nv go eat so early. Haha and so went. At the market / hawker centre, can see so many diff ppl w diff behaviors..
Uncles and aunties eating and drinking coffee and tea.. Reading newspapers, sharing news and daily happenings w each other.. Cutting price w the butcher etc.. Then there's this guy who is alr drinking beer early in the morn! 8am! Siao.. Haha.. Didn't see much ppl rushing, which is a good feeling. To be able to feel no stress and jus sit there and enjoy the morn air. Haha.. That's what I do when I am on mc too.. But afternoon air, cos morn is for concussion.
Then evening, went for Den's wedding. Was rather suay.. Cos my whole makeup set 不见了! So in rush for time, jus used whatever I can find.. Used eyeshadow for blusher ok.. T_T and eyes was swollen at the same time.. Haix.. And got no time to comb hair.. So reach the hotel then comb.. Like siao char Bo..
But saw the beautiful orange sky.. It lit up the building.. And was drizzling.. Made me think..
The sky is like a human.. The orange glow may seems harsh, but it gives a soft warm glow to the buildings (ppl ard us).. May look strong, but weeps sometimes (drizzle).. But after every obstacle, there'd be the rainbows.. (happy ending)
Hmm.. Dunno how to really describe.. But..
That's why, no matter how bad situations are, theres always a reason to smile for.. Cos everything will be ok in the end, if u wan it to be ok. Cos u are the one who determines what kind of ending you wan for urself. :)

\\`jUz m3 mYs3lF & i`//
1:33 AM

Greatly inspired recently, but as usual, my brain's kinda stucked.
I like my boss, PEC, cos I think he's a superman! He can remember almost everything! And ppl blame him when he forgets or wat. This I think is very unfair to him. :( but I really look up to him.. But I also think he sld delegate so he wouldn't be so stressed..
Sometimes it's good to give a little trust, and a little benefit of doubt.. Perfection is nv possible as wat may seem perfect to u, may be flawed in another person's eyes.. That is why I relax abit more in that sense..
He's showing symptoms of isolation, which is not good.. Think have to engage him more..
Ytd it's announced that OBK is promoted to become our regional director.. And I am speaking to him on tue. Can he offer me a job that that hop ard the region? :D
Ytd, KSC, our ex-boss, treat us to dinner. it's not sure if it's treat, but we rather thick skin.. Hahaha I really love the title she put at the meeting invite. "Food, Friends, Drinks and Dreams" :)
Its a private invite, so only 5 of us were included.. She started w how she had this 5 yr plan when we jus started out.. how she wanted to retain talent. Hmm.. I remember the times when she sat down w me and cut paper and jus talk abt future w me. I love the talk cos it's inspiring. :)
She compared me w the procurement ppl.. How throw face they were compared to me and said I am a hidden gem, blah blah blah. Well, wat I got back from this meeting was, "dun think of wat is the best, rather think of wat is it that u really wan". Ok.. Not elaborating on the meeting Liao.
Btw these 2 bosses, I actually wrote abt them in one of my HR module exam paper.. Haha.. Wrote w my heartfelt comments, that's why I got an A ba.. And I also wrote abt how their behavior will lead to wat etc, which all came true..
During tt meeting, I heard abt their frustrations in handling ppl at work and communication.. Shared w them my techniques.. And they were shocked.. KSC pat me on the back, and said "well done. I didn't know u think this way." in the good sense ok.. But argh.. Now tt they know, it's time to change.. Dun like when ppl knows wat I am thinking. :p
Well, in terms of work or watever, I have isolated myself for more than a year or so alr.. Cutting myself away from everything. I was doing a review of my work which is a periodical thing.. And I cursed myself.. "damn. This is crazy.. How on earth did i managed to do so much.." that was then.. Now, At work, I auto obmit probs which are not directly affecting me, so I dun give suggestions nor do I show any concern. The whole lab is in a mess now. In sch, I auto obmit my ability to learn and totally shut off that I think my brain is useless. Hence my grades suffered. In life, I let myself get affected by unnecessary ppl. Which leads to all these.
I got drifted from my goal. I lost my tracks. TKK described this as 迷失方向, which she was describing her son, but I think applies to me. I've got to think of wat spurs me since I was young.
Therefore, it's time to get up Anna, it's time to come back. Though you are still tired, it's time.

\\`jUz m3 mYs3lF & i`//
1:28 AM

Kenna kiap by bus door today. Reason given by driver, the guy in front of me is too tall.
But I'd say, he didn't check b4 he close the door, and that guy, didn't move in! Idiot.
Anyway, I was skinny enough. Fatter one bit, it would be disastrous.
I was very pisaed very pissed, for 5s. Then I realised, no point being unhappy abt it, and I wasn't hurt. So I sld let it be.
ok. time to chiong work. Gimme some motivation pls!!!

\\`jUz m3 mYs3lF & i`//
7:23 AM

T_T
PEC jus come and "spot check" on me. hahhaa joking..
he came to tell me abt the posting thing.. and say that my grades are quite good ma.. why dowan to stay in Chem engine? I looked at boss and told him.. "eh... i jus dropped out of third class leh.."
seriously upset and disappointed w myself for being so affected, and my grades are like shit tt i jus wanna complete the degree asap.
but then he also disregarded my grades.. then continue saying, if i go to marketing, its a waste.. to them i suppose.. haiz.. then he said, if i were to go to marketing, then its not keeping me within GMS.. its as though helping me to find another job, which is not what they wan.. cos they wan to keep me..
T_T now i feel the bond tying me alr..
But i am too disappointed in myself to continue in this area of work.. and i am not sure if i can take chemical engineering.. haiz.. cos i totally lost interest in it..
after he kept talking to me and dont seem to interest me in the jobs that he offered, he told me, my director wans to talk to me.. *i felt like some defiant kid who is now summoned to see the principal.*
ok now wat... how.... this morn, JH asked me if i am keen to go solvent recovery.. he is showing some interest to explore other areas.. hmm..
Aiya.. if go and talk to OBK, i sure lose le la.. haiz.. argh. jus be thick skin la!!!
haiz.. how... T_T

\\`jUz m3 mYs3lF & i`//
2:09 PM

Ok I know this is my 3rd post today. So wat? :p
Jus now in class, suddenly the lecturer talk abt how even if u take this degree, u dun need to be directly in this line.. Is it a sign telling me that I sld go ahead?
Then again, I remembered another lecturer in poly said before, how many ppl who take this course can become a chemical engineer? I wanted to be one of those few.. Damn ego I know. Hahaha
Hmm.. So sld I be ego or sld I follow wat I like? I know the ans a super obvious, but the future's bleak!
I scared! Hahaha..
Okok.. Take things as it goes...

\\`jUz m3 mYs3lF & i`//
9:10 PM

Jus now had a meeting w fellow colleagues and chemists.. But I kept quiet thruout the meeting cos I know tt, the chemists alr have wat they wan to implement in mind, and anything else we said is redundant.
Cos whenever I do offer my idea, I expect ppl to tell me all the negative traits, so that my idea can be improved or watever. Well, because I expect my idea to be taken, unless it's proven to be NOT feasible.
Well, in this case, the chemists didn't wan extra work for themselves, so they pushed to the rest of us. Understandable as all humans are for themselves. So I do not wan to offer any solution as offering may mean:
- unhappiness btw all
- imbalance of my mind (hahaha)
- more debates
Hence, jus leave it ba. I am jus not happy abt the fact tt their solution is so environmental unfriendly. :( haiz
Jus met an ex colleague on the road randomly.. Chatted, and he told me tt I have a higher chance to be poached out of the company. And yet... I actually wan to divert to a diff area. Time to weigh out the pros and cons. Argh.
I'll go wherever that can offer me more than 3.5k k. Make it 4k (cannot dream is it!). Cos 人总是往钱看. ESP me. :p cos this path, whichever I take, is jus a route to lead me to my final destination. :)
And I am so looking forward to that. :D

\\`jUz m3 mYs3lF & i`//
5:38 PM

AAAHHHHH....
ok calm down..
this morn, boss came to ask me again if there is still other post that i wanna try in case there is no opening for SQSS this year end..
and the first thing i did, "boss, i wanna try marketing."
OH MAN.. haha.. i jus pluck up my courage to jus totally DIVERT my line...
he suggested some others and asked if i'd like to try those..
then i told him i want to try something new..
I think i am so courageous la..
ARGH... how.... i wan the $$ but i also know that i dowan to be in this line forever?
i have no idea.. but i also do know that i can also continue w this line forever de..
cos i always believe that its the adapting and accepting that will drive u to the end.
But i do know what is it that i wanna do in future. so... am i working towards it or wat?
what i am doing now is jus a path to bring me further, to enable me to pick up more different skills..
but i jus hope that the $$ will increase so that i can do wat i wanna do for life. hehe
that calling is getting stronger and stronger..
YES. cos when i GRAD, i am going to finally START what i wan in my LIFE.
JIAYOU! chiong ah!!! =))

\\`jUz m3 mYs3lF & i`//
8:24 AM

爸爸，你那里看得到月亮吗？今天的月亮是最靠近地球的。比我们当年一起看的还要远哦！
多希望能再次和你一起观赏月亮那明亮又优美的夜景。。。

\\`jUz m3 mYs3lF & i`//
10:00 PM

In my one hour sleep jus now, I dreamt a weird dream w a chain of events.
Firstly, I gotta camp in sch for 2 weeks and my roommate is SY. Sld be very nice.
Then saw a window setting like the one at TTSH.. Then was clearing the stuff at the window.. And when I move the paperbag, tons of big red ants were on it and cockroaches came out of the bag as I moved it.
Then suddenly I was at a coffeeshop eating fatty black sauce meat.. And then there was this 红星大奖 thing.. And then I saw papa sitting very comfortably at the coffeeshop drinking beer.
I hit till a chair beside him, and was damn scared tt he would scold.. But he didn't and jus said nvm..
Hmm.. Very distorted.. Wat is it trying to tell me? Now in a cab.. And I put on the belt.. Cos I rolled ard intially when I didn't. Now I feel like vomiting. Speed up, jam break all the time.. Cut cut cut. But I like tt speed. :) but not as fast as papa..
Sometimes when papa got moody, he drove up to 140km.. Wow.. Didn't know wat he thinking then.. Haiz..
Anyway, I miss u papa.. :)

\\`jUz m3 mYs3lF & i`//
7:31 AM

Seriously, I hate it when i take MC and come back to work the next day.
I see bloody chemicals which ppl chase me to buy, but no one bothers to assign that bloody expiry date. Cant anyone understand the procedure i write?!!
I hate it when she comes in and gives a big yawn in the morn! i prefer a motivated start!
I dislike it when ppl come and keep asking me stuff like i do wonders!
I hate it when ppl tell me that my procedure got prob when its the bloody pharmacopeoia which is the limiting procedure, cos i tried in everyway to ease ppl job when i write the procedure!
I hate it when ppl tell me things repeatedly. Repeat and Repeat!!
I dun like it when ppl ask me where the things are placed when it's location had alr changed for 3 yrs alr! jus because they are more accustomed to the previous location for 10 yrs!
I dun like it that ppl always ask me how to change the label printer cartridge when its there for 3 yrs alr! and everytime, they had to ask me how to change! Seriously, the first time, i also tried it out w u guys!
I hate it when the finance keep coming back and ask me questions and i had to troubleshoot and think of solutions for them, or settle their prob when its not my prob!
I hate it that i am the only one who is doing the check on the chemicals when everyone else can do it.
AIYA! break too long before i get to complete writing le.. so i am not in the least angry le.. haha..
jus hope that ppl dun come and talk to me liao.
seriously.. i really really jus hope someone can really take over wat i did.. cos i really really dowan all my effort to go down the drain or kenna criticised. haiz.

\\`jUz m3 mYs3lF & i`//
8:05 AM

Hmm.. Ytd boss came to talk to me.. And asked what I wanna be when I grad.. And if I'd stay on after I grad..
I told him I haven tot abt it, it's all abt the pros and cons.. Hmm.. Wonder if he knows wat I meant. Haha
he named a few positions and asked me to choose.. I told him I really have no idea yet.. And he told me to think abt it and tell him next week.. Cos he needs to submit the nomination list and get someone to take over my position in the laboratory.
Sld I be a chemical engineer? A chemist?procurement? Supply chain? Regulatory?Audit? I dun mind any except regulatory.. Haha Cos I've worked w them.. Damn stressful and messy.. Or sld I proceed out of the company?
Will I be like wat they say, get my 10 yr award? U can say, I am damn loyal man.. Haha maybe u'll say, I am jus lazy. but nope. It's jus cos, I am afraid. Afraid of the future. Wat if I chose something wrongly? But I used to believe that no matter wat we choose, we sld find that passion in it. Everything has got something interesting in it.
Hmm.. I think I'll go for audit? And make my name as a "niao queen"? Haha.. It's interesting whenever my company do a background check on whoever comes to audit us.. Haha.. Try it for 5 yrs then go back to quality? Haha.. Haiz.. This is so confusing. I've got knowledge on all the rest, except nv had the chance to pick on ppl. Wahaha
Ok audit. If cannot then see how.. :) thanks boss for asking me to choose and said he'll fight for me. :) I am jus afraid that I'll throw ur face..
Boss ask me why I looked so tired nowadays.. Haha.. I told him it's cos of 3 projects and a module. But hmm.. I dun think so, cos ive not done much for those. Jus can't focus well. Haa.. Maybe cos I dowan to? Felt abit guilty, cos seriously, for the past one year work, and w my efficiency in the past, I can complete them in 3 months. but I jus dun feel that "I want to do it" feeling nor energy.
Yeah.. So from today onwards, I shall work harder to get my efficiency back. No more nuaing. :)

\\`jUz m3 mYs3lF & i`//
6:52 AM