I am so tired.. But I scared yl need my help to see the program so I dun dare to sleep!! Cos once I concussed, I am totally uncontactable.. Hahaha
Awake for 36hrs. Heart so weak I screamed when TLC scared me today. Haha if nv scream, I may faint. Haha
Argh.. I am so tired..

\\`jUz m3 mYs3lF & i`//
12:39 AM

Saw this image on a webpage.. i can see the circles turning left and right at the same time.. does that means that i dun stand any chance to win an apple product??
This is not fair.. T_T
i hate projects. T_T

\\`jUz m3 mYs3lF & i`//
1:55 AM

I am still on a cab.. T_T couldn't wake up.. :(
Jus now call back to lab to inform.. Then RYL pick up the phone. But he keep talking to me abt the ref standard.. KEEP TALKING! And cos I dowan to get disconnected, I can't get into the lift! Ok I know it may not get disconnected, but I dun like to talk in the lift when there's ppl!
But he keep continue his "because..." I dun care because of wat. I know tt I will pass the ref STD to u later! And if it's so urgent, take it urself!
Seriously ARGGHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hate it la!!! Late!!! :( ARGGGHHHH!!!!!!!!!

\\`jUz m3 mYs3lF & i`//
8:08 AM

Today was a super busy day for me. I think tml is worse. And when I ever write that my heart pain, it's not those emotional pain. Is really tt kind of twitching pain. But now I can smile it thru alr.
Today, I dunno why, but I went to help do solvent testing cos TKK is on leave for the whole week. And I tot I'd be able to complete it by noon. Then I will go and do water sampling and testing in the afternoon. But who knows.. Tt gc play w me.. After troubleshooting for like so long, found out that tt recently modified the software and I didn't know tt part.. Wasted time! But at least learn something ya.. And so glad TLC came forward w his own initiative to help me troubleshoot. :)
Anw, meanwhile I was also preparing media for micro testing, and writing all the documentations.. They were also rushing me for the Incident report.. And I got so frustrated..
CCL came in and read the plates cos he wanted to see those high counts.. after he left, there was a phonecall.. That is on speaker.. I didn't hear properly when tt person told me his name.. And I tot it was CCL.. And so, when tt person asked what CCL had asked previously, I got pissed. Firstly, when I pick up the phone, normally if I Harlow 3 times and tt person nv ans, I hang up. >.< but I didn't this time.
Then when he asked me what time I collected the sample, I ans, haven sample, sample wat.. As it was on speaker N I couldn't hear properly, I got really pek chek and I said very loudly.. "什么 sample??!! 我还没有拿啦！你到底要什么??!!!!"
Then that person told me tt they will be doing sanitisation today, so I have to do sampling at a later time.. I ans "几点??! 为什么??!! Aiya ok la!!!"
And then, that person said: "eh.. Ok.. Then 没事啦.. Byebye.." only then did I realised tt I had been talking to boss all along! OMG.. Immediately I got cold sweat.. I had been shouting at boss thru the speaker phone when he was at meeting w other leads! Omg...
I felt damn guilty and told TQW abt it, wanting to jus say out.. :( Instead, when I was busy, he went and told the whole world abt it..
Eh, seriously I was angry abt it. It's not something nice and yet let the whole world knows, then boss face also how?? And when went for break, he was still harping on it and laughing and laughing..
TLC sensed something wrong and said, "it's ok la.. Everyone got their 脾气的.. Boss will understand u under stress.."
But TQW continued. Then I said.. "forget it can. I jus pretend nothing happened!"
And then there was silence.
I really not happy la!!
Next time I won't tell anyone le la! Bloody hell!!
After tt, CCL came in and told me, the incident was reported by RYL, then why am i the one writing the report? It makes sense.. But.. Haiz.. PTF ask me to write w RYL, then RYL disappeared to do his stuff and nv ask abt the report anymore, is it my fault.. Haiz.. I understand tt the older generation there cannot write reports la.. Tts why I nv complain.. But CCL ask me not to write. He going to push it away for me. u know, I dunno what to do.. I told him it's ok. I got time then write.. He said, they expect me to give them today.. Well, I told him, "我還沒有写，他们能怎么样？"
Aiya.. Work is jus seriously boliao la. I see myself complain everyday I also sian. But I myself cannot stand those ppl who starts complaining everyday when they jus started on a job.. It's like, if u work the same thing for too long, sian is understandable. But when u jus started, my expectation will be, u sld find ur own challenges.. And make full use to learn what u can.. Even if ppl dun give u a chance, find ur own.
That's what I did. But I still got sian after all. Haha.. Time to change an environment.
>.< tml I going to get my 5 yr award.. Haaha
I am so going to skip tt meeting! :D
So old!!
Nitez!!

\\`jUz m3 mYs3lF & i`//
2:03 AM

\\`jUz m3 mYs3lF & i`//
12:35 AM

Here I am, borrowing chemicals from others again.. :(
Now on cab to find SML. Lucky for network.. Haiz..
Anw, really upset w my own system.. A system I created that lasted for 4 years plus.. But due to my lack of enthusiasm.. I cannot keep up Liao..
It's seriously tiring that so many ppl are updating methods, changing usage frequency, and I am the only one doing the kanban..
Tell me... Tell me.. How am I supposed to keep up.. How am I supposed to remember everything.. Which chemical used for which test, each time use how much, which chemical expire earlier than which, how long a shelf life to assign to each and everyone etc etc.. T_T
I dunno how I was able to link so many things together tt time.. But now I jus dun have time to go and update again..
Linking near 200 methods and 300 chemical.. Finding the suppliers for each of them.. Very upset when no one is able to help. And ESP when I am back from leave, I continue to kio sai, kio sai..
Now on cab and Hebe song 寂寞寂寞就好.. The only part that catches me was.. 死不了就还好..
Thank goodness i have frens in this industry..
Wow.. I am impressed by their labelling system.. But me alone? No time to do that..
Walau.. My cab nearly accident w a truck.. But watever..
Now i changed my view on 死不了就还好..
不要残废就还好.. Haha..
Haiz... Going back to get lectured.. Haiz.. :( hate myself.

\\`jUz m3 mYs3lF & i`//
9:39 AM

Sometimes I really peifu how me and my uni frens work together.
Work smart, not hard. LOL
Of cos we do work hard at times too!
Supposed to have sch at 2pm. But I jus off work! And only meeting MSY at 230! Hahaha cos these short courses are really lame.. Today's lesson is going to be on, expanding mindset. I wonder wat will be presented.
I love to work alone on a weekend, w no one ard. Haha.. But jus now, and appearance of my quality officer scared me to death! Not cos I was doing illegal stuff, but cos, I didn't expect any other person to appear!
Anw, he was so frenly, he switched off all the lights in the hallway as he left. And I was welcomed to a superdark passage when I was leaving, and the switch is at the other side!! -_-|||
but watever, I jus had to get out. And I walked in the dark. >.<
Ytd was ASM last day.
And I didn't have time and strength to make a card. So me and VT bought one instead.
"And on the exterior, it wrote..
We are sorry that you have to go –
This place wont be the same.
Is someone here resonsible?
We must know who’s to blame!"
Well, that was the only card left! Had to do w it. And I asked VT whether boss will think we are refering to him. Haha.. But no choice!!
In the end, he wrote this in the card..
"Why u take a degree?
Why u choose to leave?
Or is it me who is to blame?
Thanks for all the support and we’ll miss you."
I think boss is becoming cuter and cuter! Hahaha
Anw, boss arranged a person from audit to talk to me..
So glad he remembered. Haha tt job will require frequent flying.. And I think I had exposure to most of the business sector before? But not strong enough. And I was thinking really hard.. Do I really wan to keep travelling? I dun mind but also abit sian cos is not for relaxing! Hahaha
Anw, he suggested to do validation first then proceed to audit.. Hmm.. Aiya.. Watever la.. I will excel in whatever I do. :p
TZH jus resigned too. So there's a vacant chem engineer post. Jus when I tot being named chemical engineer is nice, they change the post to chemist. -_-||| not appealing anymore. Haha
So much more to say.
But not now. It's 240! And I am still on the way to sch! MSY too! -_-|||
shall blog on ASM and my TW trip soon!!
Soon..... :p

\\`jUz m3 mYs3lF & i`//
2:37 PM

Truth be told!
There's no fairytale in this world and fairytale itself warned u so!
Why?
Fairytales always starts w "Once upon a time..." and ends w "and they lived happily ever after!"
Join the start and end together, they've been telling u, "once upon a time, they lived happily ever after!"
Yes, it only happens once upon a time.
Wake up!!
Okok.. At least it tells u it happened once before?
Therefore, go on.. Create your own "Once Upon A Time!"
Okok.. Jus some thinking. Now I think I am crapping!
Blog later! Ciaos!

\\`jUz m3 mYs3lF & i`//
1:24 AM

I feel like a PMSey aunty.. T_T
my heart is weak. so pain so pain.. =(
endless work. stupid projects. =(

\\`jUz m3 mYs3lF & i`//
8:52 AM

Today morn, suddenly rain so heavily! And I knew my slippers going to cmi. And I was heng enough that it gave way only during lunch!
And so, I am currently wearing my safety shoes home! So ugly la!! :(
Anw, today was rather busy? I think so. But still feel abit free ya. Argh. I went to the plant and give them the settle plates.. Now alr change to once a month le. then the uncle say me, why nv give at beginning of the month. and say and say and say. I know he's joking but it got on my nerves cos got alot of things to do since I am back. And then I kinda raised my voice and said, "我才on leave 一个星期，回来就很多人找我，很多问题，我快疯掉了啦！！" raising my hands up in the air like a mad woman. Anw, part of me jus trying to be 夸张 abit.. Haha sensing something wrong, he told me "知道一个星期不在就会这样，以后就不要on leave 啦." haha I smiled and told him, next time I clear all my leave one shot Liao la. :p
then jus now TKK knew that I will be taking over her when she on leave, and that I will be doing wat she does in 2 to 3 days in a day, she came and tell me, sure Bo.. Dun later something happen. I said very loudly, choy Choy CHOY la!!! Walau.. The whole lab knows I am the super pantang one, still come and talk like this to me. CHOY la!!! Well, I take it that she's concerned ba. Anyway, wat I can do in the past, I can do it now too right?! Cos I will only improve, not deterioriate! Bleah. Now I start doubting myself sia. Kns la. Argh. I can de.
Oh ya. This morn, I told WFL 我快死掉了when I think of the Amt of things to do at work and at sch. Argh. Then I sigh very deeply. And she pat my back and say I can de. Haha..
On the way to the mrt station, some guy from hsbc keep talking to me. Ask me to join some contest thing, can win tv. I told him, win le I also no place to put, so I dowan to join. Hahaha I think I getting lame. Then he continue w saving plans etc. I tell him I no more $$ to save liao la. Then he talk abt investments. I told him I do my own investments. He keep ask me to share.. Then I said shares la... Then he went wow.. Ok.. Then leave me alone Liao. Know why? Cos investors like us, my shifu told us, we know how to invest ourselves, why be stupid to put $$ w other ppl and let them make the $$ and then jus give u some commission? Ya lo. I was so stupid to buy some stupid investment from prudential so as to help ppl hit quota. And bloody hell, make my CPF fall till machiam I nv work before. Wat a nice ass intro man. Kns.
Oh ya.. My company hiring 2 more lab tech. I said Liao hoh? But I going to intro my classmate here.. Cos she's interested in the post. And walau la!! She's same age as me, and getting 3.4K now la.. Cos she got switch job along the way.
Argh! Me damn stupid la!!! :( so much diff now lo. :( sian diao. Was unbalanced for awhile. Haha now ok Liao.
Hmm.. So I shall try to get her here. She seems to be a nice colleague ba. :)

\\`jUz m3 mYs3lF & i`//
5:21 PM

During Lao tio funeral, was reminded of so many things.. Can't help it but tears fall. Wonder why we didn't cry it out when papa passed away.. It's not tt we were hard-hearted and were happy tt he left ok.. It's cos we believed tt he would be happier to see us smile.. But that's our belief.. Is that his too? Why is tt others actually blamed us for choosing to do this? They can't understand our anguish too. Not being able to show out our emotions and had to supress it. But now, I agree that we sldnt have held back.. Holding back made me emotional unbalanced, till now in fact.. No idea.. I am lost too.
Well, I choose to believe that, papa fully understand our intentions.. Cos we flow the same blood. :)
Lao tio was a baptized Christian.. But he had advised the bro to take care of his procedures after his death.. And his bro did the taoist ritual for him.. Hmm.. Whether this was wat he had told the bro to do or not, will nv be known.. well, it's jus a ritual to let the person go in peace ya..
Then K jiejie thinks tt 3 days is short.. But San Yi told her, keep so many days for wat.. One extra day doesn't makes a diff. But no lo.. When a person is grieving, even when the other person is no longer ard, cannot talk to, won't reply etc, this person will still cling on de lo.. Haiz.. Well, I guess it depends on individual as well. But I jus think tt K jiejie sldnt jus leave it to everyone to decide for her.. Anw, I also understand that she's too tired emotionally to think so much too..
Well, San Yi told me and min to follow her during the last journey.. And I can't help but tear and tot of how we smiled along the way.. Haiz.. And at the same time, told Lao tio to watch over K jiejie.. I guess I am someone who is easily affected by others emotions.. Haiz.. When I see others sad, I feel sad too.. And I am happy when others are happy. Hmm.. no mind of my own sia.. Anw, Lao tio bro wans to stand close to his bro.. And so, I moved backward to stand behind K jiejie instead..
After the ritual at mandai, I wanted to go forward and give her a hug.. But her aunty was there consoling her.. Ya.. That's not my kind of action ya.. But everything takes a first step.
Anyway, was jus quite upset and shocked that things went by so fast. Jus happy that at least Lao tio gets to see his daughter married.. :)
Today, the new ger came.. And I was enjoying no neighbour for my safety shoes.. But she chose to be my neighbour. :( I am an anti-social k.. :(
Anw, can see she's a confident individual.. Her attitude seems like me few years back. Good.. :) hopefully she is as good as what they think of her to be.
Then today TKK told me, got a young ger to pei me alr.. :( no.. I wanna be the youngest there!! That's why I can't wait to get rid of ASM can't u see??!!! Joking la... Really old Liao sia.. :( anw, I am not going to be that close to her.. Dowan any emotional burden.. Haha.. :p I jus going to change my reputation to stuck up and cold. And I wonder how that will feel like! Wow. :D
Hmm.. My company going to hire another 2 person for lab.. And I saw boss eyes.. Dunno saying wat... Then PFT, showed the kind of face like, tt time say hire one contract, Now say hire 2 perm. Very 不满.. Well, thinking of the whole, boss fights so hard to get us more headcounts but is not appreciated by the "middle class".. Jus reminds me of those ungratefuls who prefers upgrading to the brave fighter who spoke up for the ppl wo caring his own well being, and willing to be bullied by others as long as he managed to speak up for them and gets at least a hope to bring better lifes for them.
Well, that's how I think boss is too! :)
After my trip, I felt energized! But overwhelming work made me sian diao again.
Today a stupid supplier kinda pissed me off.. I ask for sample of the bottle.. And he only gimme one.. Yes, ONE!! Bloody shit la.. Gimme expired sample still jus gimme one! So niao ma!! Then how am I supposed to pass to others to intro the product??!! So idiotic la!!! Argh!!!
Then jus now in sch, supposed to do discussion w them.. They ask me to help them out de.. I went, and they jus do their own stuff!! Bloody hell la.. U all full time students for the whole world of time in sch but I dun have k!! Sickening full timers! And I hate it when ppl deprive me of my dinner or food!!! And so, halfway thru, I walked out and went for my dinner. Eating unhealthy food again la!! @&%}87@$:#%# come back then they start discussing. haiz.. if haven finish the work or wat, then tell ne postpone to tml or wat.. Dun make me wait there and fall asleep in front of com and waste time when I rather be home watching tv!! :(
Jus like tt supplier today, tell me 2pm, then email me say 230pm.. Then end up come at 2pm.. And insisted to the guard tt the appt is 2pm. Anw, I tell the guard say, e appt is 230pm! Ask him wait awhile while I finish up my work first for 5min or so! When I went out, he wasn't there!! Say no space to park, went find parking lots. All of us there thinks he's blind cos we see at least 4 lots available there!
Then when he came over, he said tt I told him to wait awhile so he went out first. piss me off. Then say appt at 2pm.. I stare at him coldly and said. Ur email states 230pm. Then he said, oh.. Cos he got appt at a later time so he came at 2pm instead. bloodly asshole.. Ownself make mistake, dun tell my company ppl till like the mistake is mine! If u make one more mistake, I make sure I complain u till siao. Argh. Stupid sales ppl.
Damn sian.. I think I losing concentration on purchasing stuffs. More and more late stuffs. Argh... Why nowadays suppliers like to delay so much??! Must always call and chase de ma?
Ok.. I side track too much and I dunno wat to say alr. Hahaha
I think I am a PMS-ing person. Argh. This guy next to me on the bus fell asleep!! I am not that thin ok!! I may have to nudge him in the ribcage later if required!! Argh!! Stupid guys!
Bye!

\\`jUz m3 mYs3lF & i`//
8:47 PM

05 May.. A very familar date.. A date tt we'd nv forget..
Every year, we won't forget to celebrate this bday for papa.. Buy a cake, draw a card, go and eat something good or mummy will cook good food..
2009 ended w papa asking us not to be so fake and pretend to be good to him when we genuinely were.. It's jus diff ppl have diff ways of expressing.. And I am sure he understood towards his last days..
2010.. We couldn't do any of those anymore.. All we had was a cake for him.. But he could no longer taste it.. or maybe as ppl said, he still could? I dunno.. I wish he can..
2011.. All we had was another cake.. which I dunno if he could taste again.. But I ate some w him too.. and some snacks I bought from TW.. And all I could do was show him photos of his idol, Mr Sun Yat Sen.. u may think I am like a 白痴, showing photos from the camera to a photo of my dad at his alter.. But that's all I could do.. U wouldn't know how much I wished he was w me at the trip.. Visiting places I know he'd love to go..
After tt, went to visit Lao tio.. It's like he was still alright when I saw him awhile ago.. Still able to cook for himself and eat himself.. very independent.. Then today, he's half the size of wat I saw the other day.. But still very independent and strong..
But he couldn't talk.. I could see the frustrations he had, having to use hand signals and the surrounding ppl couldn't really make out what he's trying to express.. but I was glad, I managed to guessed a few and got him the Milo that he wanted..
Despite being so handicapped alr, he still insisted on doing things by himself.. Still very strong.. That's the trait of our family.. Some would call tt stubborn.. But I call it character.. 有性格..
Seeing him in tt state, brought back alot of memories.. My heart was thumping and I was kinda in a blank.. That kind of memory was rather traumatizing..
But he waved us goodbye and signal us to go back and have dinner.. We bade farewell and he slowly closed his eyes to rest..
Then jus awhile ago.. The phone rang.. He left us.. At 10+.. He and papa were such good frens.. And today's date is such a coincidence.. Haiz.. u know.. Life is really jus so fragile.. U dunno when is the last time you'd see ur love ones..
Seeing young children, full of curiousity.. Always learning and enthusiastic abt what's next. Never ending whys..
Then seeing old age.. And how death jus bring a person away forever.. Have tt person truly lived? What's the purpose of existence? After so much of learnings, that is how life ends, makes me think, is there a need to learn so much? Or sld a human jus be simple and jus enjoy each day and live it happily?
I guess it jus boils down to how much u wan out of ur life.. What u wan to accomplish.. And how much u need to achieve to make urself and others happy..
Life is jus such a big question mark.
I am confused too.
Lao tio rest in peace..

\\`jUz m3 mYs3lF & i`//
1:04 AM