Jus now, was scrolling thru some stuff on amazon, then suddenly I tot of papa.
Saw stuff that he may like etc, and immediately the image of him telling me abt the stuff in enthusiasm filled my mind.
And tears jus fell uncontrollably.
On the bus, along the walk home. I must have looked like a lunatic.
Anw, I jus missed him. Wondering and regretting tt I wasn't able to provide him w a better life then.
The other day, wfl suddenly ask me if I ever wondered where papa is now.
I replied, I know, right here in my heart.
And then she teared and said she kinda miss my papa.. I smiled and said, at least he's not suffering anymore.
But well, there's really some things that I'll jus be regretting my whole life. And there's nothing I can ever do.
I'm sorry tt I am still 一无是处..

\\`jUz m3 mYs3lF & i`//
12:22 AM

Mummy tot it was 6am now when I appeared in her room. Its only 1am.. Haha
Ok time to sleep.
I appreciate my colleagues and everyone ard me. For the things u've done. Though I dun show them out. :)
Good nitez!!

\\`jUz m3 mYs3lF & i`//
1:05 AM

:(
I'm damn touched by boss.. PEC..
So touched I teared.
He's jus damn nice.
One of the few bosses I actually show my true self to..
Ok.. In fact I show all of them my true self..
I wrote a note to him abt my ego.. And yet happiness for my dear fren.
His reply...
Jus made me teared. :( not sad but touched..
原来 he's one of the few in the panel for my rejection..
but I jus felt so touched by his reply..
if I could, I wished to be under him wherever he goes..
:(
Like I said, he's a boss who uses 心 and treat everyone well..
Haiz it's a pity..

\\`jUz m3 mYs3lF & i`//
10:35 PM

Ytd nite, I had a dream.
A new house, same design settings.
Decorations draping down from the high high ceiling, made from stuffs I saw as rubbish in my previous dreams..
Looks damn beautiful though.
Large wide area, w high high ceiling and a few stories above.
But I didn't notice the stairs though.
Took out my cam to try to capture something artistic.
Captured a tiny figure in the camera..
Tt person is my dad..
Looked up, and saw my dad sitting there.. Went up to him and talk..
Then he mentioned why I didn't take photos w him..
And so I took out my cam.. And then he refused to take alr.. Saying, he's tired and sometimes somethings can come and go. Sld grab the chance when I could and not wait.
Ok.. Then ridiculously, we end up on a river, in a ridiculously small tub, floating along.
And I kept imagining there are crocodiles when there aren't.
Then I awoke.
Hmm.. What I take from this dream...
Whatever small and seems to be useless, can actually become very useful, w jus a little more tot and 心思.
There's alot of space for me to 发挥 jus tt I am coop up in my own space, and didn't look for the steps.. "stairs to more rooms upwards"
I often wait for things to happen and need ppl to push me forward.. Due to me being afraid tt that's not what others wan.
Somethings, once gone is jus gone.. I sld jus grasp opportunities when it comes..
Dun be afraid of what may be there.. But rather enjoy and be free of the current.
Thanks papa. I always appreciate the ways u guide me thru.
I miss our daily talks. Though I always doze off, but I was always listening.
Thank you, something I nv said to u face to face..

\\`jUz m3 mYs3lF & i`//
2:10 AM

Piang eh.. I help others do things, I very very fast, very very efficient, very very got ideas.
But I nv ever enjoy helping myself.
WHY??!!
I sld probably treat myself as another person. >.<

Anw, for ytd interview, I was asked on my keenness for the job.. I stated 80-90% and I couldn't explain why. =/
Then she ask why sld she hire me compared to a person who said 200%?
I said cannot compare individuals.. Cos tt person's 200% may jus be my 80%.. >.<

anw, abt giving 100% at work, who can confidently say tt u give really 100% at work???
I believe tt there will definitely be fluctuations everyday.. How can every diff day be compared w equivalency everyday?
I feel tt, as long as u give abt 95% and fluctuate within 5%, u are a good worker alr.
Ok I went out of point from tt question I was asked. So be it..
Pls Bo bi me get the job k. :)

\\`jUz m3 mYs3lF & i`//
4:53 PM

today morning, morn call daph..
and i had the strength to put my phone to speaker mode, and press redial and redial till she msg me back that shes awake.
and then, i lost all my strength and i fell asleep!!
omg.. haha
then my eyes blur blur today..
i saw this:
"The leaking pump caused...." as "The freaking pump caused..."
haha so funny!
simply silly things can jus make my day. =)
anw, ytd i sent an email to ask how PEC is doing. =) and told him i am afraid of the interviewer today. haha..
he said, jus be my norm self and i will be ok.
I jus hope my brain dun tio tad later.
timing had changed to a later time too.. got more time to calm myself down. =)
ok. i forgot what else i wanted to say le. i tot got alot. hahhaa
have a nice day! =D

\\`jUz m3 mYs3lF & i`//
8:38 AM